Gio mentioned again about his Grad party to me, which is on Saturday. And I'd declined and declined until today when he asked yet again. Why did I say no? His family will be there, and what if I have a breakdown or i get too nervous and too awkward, I'm not smart like them, I'm really not smart at all, I don't have the.... whatever it is that other people do that make them like me. People generally hear me talk, look me over, label me "Freak" and walk away. Right?
And I wasn't worried, today through some random fit of confidence, but then he said two of his female friends were gonna be there, Ali and Nika. I get mixed messaged from him about Nika, he "hates" her, but talks to her, and invites her to his grad party? Am I missing something crucial here? Should I be worried?
But Ali worries me more. Two weeks ago we went to a mutual friend's graduation, and I'd been wigging out for nearly that entire week, and we didnt talk much at the party, and there was silence on the car ride there, but when Ali walked in, his full attention went to her, and I was left in the dust to sulk all by my lonesome self.... I fought not to cry in front of nearly complete strangers, I knew most of the people, but not well enough to be comfortable enough to cry at the party.
Gio says all the time that Ali is very dear to him, and I understand that, she's helped him through some of the most difficult times of his life, and Im glad she was there for him, and He says all the time, well not all the time, but whenever he's in a contemplative mood, that he misses her because they never talk anymore. I dont mind so much that his attention went to her, they had a lot to catch up about, but.... I guess it was the fact that he didn't acknowledge me for nearly a half hour... And by that time I was so fed up I just snapped at him, and ignored him, then ended up getting up, apologizing to Maggie and walked the long miles home.
Gio had gotten up like i was such an inconvenience when I told him I had to go and stood, I walked to Maggie, though she was surrounded by family taking pictures so I waited. Gio got up a minute or so after me, and asked if i was ready to go. I gave him my best "are you fucking retarded" look and told him outright I was walking, and I didnt want to interrupt him or be an inconvenience while he stayed with his friends. I then hugged Maggie, and left.
Am I right to not want to go? Is that okay or am I completely daft? I just don't want to be left out in an already awkward situation... I hate parties to begin with.
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