I'd gotten fed up. I went to bed sobbing up a storm, it had to stop! This Gio-hates-me-mania was really getting the best of my fragile emotions. So I called Nora, told her I was calling Gio, and I would put it to him straight. After a short pep talk, I dialed his number and listened shakily as it rang through, I'd only just gotten off the phone with him, a conversation in which I was trying to sport better feelings, though failing. He said it was okay, and he had all the time in the world until I wanted to talk about what was wrong, and that it was sort of comforting to just be on the phone. Or something along those lines. But a second later he said he was going to go. That's why I cried.
So anyways, Gio answered with yet another sad "Hello" and I told him that I wanted him to answer me straight. I said I didn't want any shit, I wanted a simple yes or no answer, and he must have known what I was going to ask, because his answer came lightning fast, I barely got my sobby "Do you want to be with me anymore?" out before he said "Yes" He was honest, I could hear it in his tone, but I asked him if he needed to think it over anymore. He said no to that. It didn't make sense to me! I was confused. I'm so used to feeling like guys just simply don't want me anymore because I'm crazy and undesirable. So I told him I didn't get it. Then I asked if he was only with me for comfort or if he just wanted to be with me. That took him a while. He chose comfort. I choked a little, it made sense, but Nora doesn't think that he meant just plain comfort, she decided it meant he was confused and meant that he wanted to be with me, and it was comfortable to be with me. Whatever Nora. :P
So he then proceeded to tell me that He liked being with me, he looked forward to watching movies with me, and when he got news he didn't see himself telling anyone first except me. That felt nice to hear. :]
So we were left wondering where we went wrong, and taking notice that both of us had been attempting to examine the situation. "we got tired of each other." he said, "there was so much passion when we started, and we spent so much time together" and I finished with "It just fizzled out." I then wondered if we could fix it. Gio said that he hoped we could but he admitted that he didn't know how. I thought that maybe we could start over, but so much time and effort and tears have passed we decided that wasn't going to happen. 9 months is a long time take away to begin again. So we decided that we would do something spontaneous and fun by my suggestion. Gio came up with a whole slew of fun ideas, but we ended up only doing two of them, and very half assed. But it's all good.
We attempted yet another puzzle together, big mistake, we got bored fast, I'd given up way before him because I couldn't stop savoring the thoughts of being with him happily again, and I was filled with too much love to think of anything else really. So we went and watched Silence of the Lambs because I'd never seen it before. He quoted Hannibal Lector pretty much perfectly, and I was informed of things that would happen before they did, thats what its like to watch movies with Gio. But it was okay, it just made things less creepy and more funny, like the way he said, "He's gotta tuck that junk back." when the Buffalo Bill guy was dancing in front of his camera.
Life was good in his arms, and I realized suddenly there, that I didn't miss him, he missed me. The whole time I was thinking that he'd changed and as I sort of blamed him for as a main reason our relationship was starting to fail, "he was changing so it made me sad and difficult blah blah blah I'm a dirty liar". I looked up at him in the dim flickering light of the tiny bedside TV and when he looked back, I saw in his eyes it was true. I'd changed yet again, and I'd gone away, that's why things changed, I beat myself into thinking all the wrong things. But his eyes were forgiving, and I apologized and told him that I realized he was there all along and he'd never gone anywhere. Of course he didn't understand my cryptic message, but accepted none the less. He's always been so patient with me. When the movie was over we went to the park and even though got eaten by mosquitoes, we talked and bonded all the same. It's nice to be good around him again, I'm glad the real me is back and I hope I stay for a lot longer this time.
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