Am I insane? They tell me that I'm not, Its just hormones, its just insecurity, its part of growing up. Goddammit I'm 18 years old! I should be finished growing up! And yet my moods are still swinging back and forth between calm and spastic and spastic to depressed and depressed to calm and back and forth to and fro... I can't take it.
I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel so disconnected with everyone. I dont want to talk to anyone... But I want to stop feeling alone.
But again, I dont want to talk to anyone. I'm so sick of making people miserable. And I do. I make people SO miserable. I make them so sad, because they just dont understand how my head works, and that when I say mean things i don't do it on purpose. I know i shouldn't say it, and it'll jeopardize the future relationship, but.... I can't help it, and say it anyways.
I wish I could be on some sort of drug sometimes.... Days like this I mean. Because I'd rather be a doped up zombie than that crazy girl with no friends.
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