Latest Epiphany

Well. Here we are again in the dumps. Nice to see you hard feelings, how's the family? Its been a while, lets have another round of drinks POURED ON me :|

Its all because NO ONE will EVER love me more or as much as I love them. That's why I'm crazy. I mean, for a while I've been feeling like Gio doesn't love me anymore and doesn't even wanna be around me anymore and secretly he just wants to get out of this relationship but he's to chicken shit to say anything.
Now I love this boy. Dare I say more than anyone else. And I know I've gone through this issue on here before. But... Once again, I have to write this down or it will fester into another infectious puss wound on my heart.
Its the way I feel like he looks at me now, Like, "man. I once thought you were so killer amazing.... and now.... I see you. You're just another trashy bitch... but how to I tell you that?" And... It really hurts... I mean... He's not kissy anymore, He's still touchy sometimes. But i feel like we haven't kissed in forever. I may be wrong, we probably have but right now I'm blocking it out mentally for the sake of piling more shit on myself in the grave I've dug.
Today in the car I figured it out though. I was thinking of Gio, then I thought of the bad 'B' word and how I felt this EXACT way about him too! And the whole reason I've gotten depressed and crazy was because I felt like he didn't love me!
Its because NO ONE will ever be good enough for me. I will ALWAYS love the person I'm with more than they will EVER love me. And if they do love me, I will deny and deny it. I'm meant to be alone. I think I see it now. That's why I see no children in my future for myself, why I don't see me getting married, and dying early on in my life. Because I won't have a reason to stick around. I'm going to be miserably without love until the day I die.