Spinning 'Round

I'm thinking of a word. Its a dirty dirty word, but not in the conventional "society says its bad" kind of bad. I'm thinking of the bad 'B' word... I'm trying to remember. My head feels so full. It feels so cramped up in my skull that i kind of want to scream. I need to get out of here. I need to calm down, I can't get the spinning to stop. All of my thoughts cascading down and around and swirling into one another running, running, and jumping, and melding into each other. I think of him and this is what happens. I try to remember and I fall into thinking so much that I barely think at all. If I contradict myself so be it. You don't know how this feels unless you're like me. Like vomit in the skull. I have to get out of this mindset, out of my body. I wish there was a way to detach myself so far that I'm not the me I am. I have to get out of here.